Home of Jules

It kinda feels like a bad week. It should kinda be good, but not completely. A couple of different issues irritate me, a couple of different issues please me. Plus I’m PMS-ing, so that does not help one bit. The littlest things can annoy me right now. I’m pretty much aware of my mood swings, but I can’t help it. If you understand female hormones enough, you’ll know that it’s beyond our control.

So far, only two good things happened. 1) Mommy is finally back, yay! After 2 long months, omg…  Now life at home can be back to normal, please. More home-cooked food! What I’m happiest about is that I have someone to talk to and share stories with at home…

And 2) finally had a long overdue chica outing (so worth skipping street jam class for lol). It’s always one of us that’s not available, then it’s just 2. Finally managed to slot in time for all 3 of us to be together. I missed this… Despite whatever happened, I guess some friendships just don’t die off :) Bak kata pepatah, air dicincang tak akan putus.

The stuff that’s bothering me? Well, there’s this one thing that’s never seem to be improving, I get pekchek about it every time. Again and again, shit still happens, like ooooh my GOD it’s still the same! Owaaaiiii! Pisses me off…

Then there’s about this other thing that I’ve discovered I don’t quite like, but I don’t know how to voice it out. Or rather, if I even should. Guess let’s see how much this really bothers me before I decide if it’s necessary to bring it up.

Also this other thing that I noticed from observation that something is wrong, but perhaps not in my place to say much about it. I’m annoyed, but at the same time I’m also concerned. I suppose we’ve all been there, hope it gets better soon.

Yeah I’m so not gonna reveal any details about it, there’s no point to be ranting so publicly about unhappy stuff. This is not a gossip blog. If you’re close enough to me, you’ll probably know already what I’m talking about. If you don’t know, then if you care enough, you’d ask. Otherwise, forget it.

It’s our first month anniversary today ^^

I know, I never really mentioned about SH before. It’s funny how the same things work differently with different people and different situations. Previously I would get so smitten with suave charmers over the first date only and I would blog about them already, and telling friends about them. But this time with SH, it all happened so naturally that I never had the need to get overly excited to simply tell people about it.

I don’t really know how to explain it, actually. I would always wanna tell people when I get smitten over… lusty feelings. I guess that’s why some people has called me a playgirl, but I really was just looking for The One. I met SH, and somehow he saved me from my prolonged moodiness, without even trying. He’s not perfect. But he’s perfectly fitted just for me! I’m genuinely happy to be with him. In a stress-free, care-free way. I can breathe :) And this time, I don’t feel like I have to be too openly to announce to everyone about him. As naturally as it happened, whatever comes next will happen naturally too.

Love you, sweetheart!

With every ending, comes a new beginning. Shit happens in life, but it shall not bring me down. Things WILL be better from now on, I just know it. After all, it’s supposed to be MY year to finally shine. Just gotta remain optimistic through the rain because the sun will eventually shine through :) Possibly throw in a bonus in the form of a rainbow too, hey? Hehe.

Had a thought the other day. Have you ever thought about how things would be better if you’re here, or doing that, or had this, etc. How different would life be if one would be born into a different type of environment?

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I’m ungrateful for what I live now. I have a lovely family, wonderful friends. I have a home, a car, a job. It’s not perfect, but at least nothing is dysfunctional (or at least I hope to think so). Just that sometimes, just sometimes… Have you ever thought to yourself: Why am I here in this environment / Why am I born this way but surrounded by elements that don’t make it easy or possible for me / How come nobody understands what I need and want / So on and so forth. It’s just a pity when one has got no choice but to give in.

You are who you are. And you are what you are. Nobody can change that. But what if nobody also accepts that about you? Claiming that you are an oddball. The weirdo. The one with ‘something wrong’. When you’re just being true to yourself. How unfair is it to be blamed for being yourself? How unfair is it that people want to control you to conform to what is “normal” to please themselves, when they don’t even care that YOU are not happy to pretend to be “normal” just to shut them up. As the matter of fact… What IS normal?

You know yourself best. You know what makes you you. You know what you like,  you know what you want. Try this burning question:
If you had the choice to create your own plan on exactly precisely accurately how you want your life to run, how would it be?

I would still be born in the city. Maybe not THIS city. I would be made to take up ballet at a very young age, and grow into contemporary when I am older. At the same time I would still be training in martial arts. Be more active in strength training to be really fit. I would have music-loving friends, who would teach me how to jam the guitar. And I would be part of a small unknown teenage band, even for a short time. I would still be in fashion, but perhaps I would have enough connections so that I could really have my own boutique.

What about you?

It’s CNY season and you know what that means. The only time in the whole year to have Yee Sang! I love yee sang. The mix of fresh and pickled shredded vegetables and/or fruits, cold jellyfish, garnished with crunchy keropok bits, sesame seeds, ground peanuts, and of course the main ingredient of all: Raw fish (salmon sashimi!!!) tossed in lime juice. And plum sauce of course. Yums.

So anyway, there was enough ingredients at home to make yee sang for one person, and I had that for dinner. I must say, it was rather difficult to toss and mix everything by oneself. It took me several minutes to get it nicely mixed, when it’ll take only seconds with several pair of chopsticks. This got me thinking… I wonder if I can put my thoughts into words, let’s try.

Yee sang is considered as a symbol of prosperity, abundance, and vigor. We toss yee sang during CNY while saying auspicious wishes and blessings for the new year, with a group of people. (Personally) the session becomes more meaningful if the yee sang is tossed with the people that matter the most to you. Family and/or friends. Gives a sense of love and togetherness, I suppose.

When I was tossing my plate of yee sang on my own, I said to myself, “Wow this is difficult without other people.” Food for thought, isn’t it? What is the point of tossing for wishes of prosperity, abundance, and vigor… if you have no one to share the wishes with? A little narcissistic (and selfish) to be wishing for prosperity and abundance by oneself. Sure you’ll eventually get the ‘job’ done, but it would be an easier and quicker effort if it was done as a ‘team’. Together.

Never mind the yee sang, but moral of the story is (cheh~)… The journey for true prosperity and abundance would be a difficult road to take if you had to do it alone. For what is real prosperity? Abundance? Vigor? If it’s a lonely life. Everybody needs a helping hand, one to count on for support. Appreciate the people around you, those who mattered the most. Because there’s never enough appreciation going around in the world. It shouldn’t take a plate of yee sang to realise that.

I’m done. Did I make sense?